I thank God daily for the inner strength He has given me as I deal daily with the loss of my sweetheart. Allen was a wonderful husband and I miss him every moment of the day.
People deal with grief in many ways. I have had to dig deep within to find the strength I need to go on. Do I grieve? Oh, yes I do. I have moments when it literally brings me to my knees and I cry till I don't think I will ever stop. But it is then that I turn to God, take a deep breath, and move on.
But I have noticed something these past few weeks. I have changed the way I think about him being gone. When the grief hits, instead of crying over my loss, I try to put a positive spin on the memory and rejoice in the fact that I have so many memories. I celebrate the love we had and the moments that meant so much whether they were big or small.
A perfect example is in music. When I listen to a country love song, I have learned to not think of what I have lost. Instead, I take the lyrics and apply them to a wonderful memory that makes me think of our love and think..."Oh that was so us!" Then I can happily sing along and celebrate our love instead of grieving for my loss.
Does that sound sad? It shouldn't be. He loved me so much and he made sure I always knew that he did. So instead of him leaving me grief stricken, it is more like he left me with enough love to carry on the rest of my lifetime.
When you lose a loved one, the world considers you single. I am sorry but I am not single. I am still very married to my husband. I still love him with every beat of my heart. I still wear my wedding ring on my left finger. I will not become single. I loved being married to him and in my heart I always will be. So rules and regulations may dictate that I mark the single box on a form, but forever and always I will be in my mind, married.