I posted this song a few weeks ago, but what I didn't post was the story that went along with it. I had never heard this particular song. One Sunday morning I had forgotten to bring the monthly newsletter to church. I told the pastor I would run home between Sunday School and Church to get it (It's just about a 4 or 5 minute drive). He asked me if I was sure I said yes I didn't mind at all.
I got in the car and turned on the radio and this song came on. It was definitely a God thing. I had been struggling that week because I strive so hard to move forward after the loss of my husband. I have good days and bad days and I try to hide the bad days from my family, my friends, everyone. But this week I was making plans for my future and putting things coming up on my calendar. With every plan, with every thought of the future, I kept feeling guilt because I was trying to move on with my life and I felt like I was failing Allen by doing that. I felt like I should grieve more, cry more, fall down on my knees and just not get up. I know it was stupid and I know he would want me to move forward and enjoy life, but it hurts so bad some times and the loss is so intense that I felt like I didn't have that right to be happy any more. The world doesn't see that side of me because I continue to push myself forward.
But when I heard the words to this song and discovered the story of how Danny Gokey lost his wife and why this song meant so much to him, I realized it was okay to grieve as much as I want but it is also okay to enjoy moments of happiness. I buried half of my heart with him that day and the half that was left behind just sometimes doesn't know what to do with itself. So this song has become my inspiration. Any time I feel down and feel like I don't deserve to be moving forward, I listen to this song and remember that Allen always told me to keep loving life and to never change once he was gone. The fact that I could find peace and happiness in the midst of a storm was one of the things that he always told me he loved about me. So when I get mired down with pain and regret, I just play this song as a reminder that it is okay for me to tell my heart to beat again and to move forward with my life.
Please listen to the story behind this song and to the actual lyrics of the song. It is beautiful.
