Grief. Experts can give you advice. People who have been through it can give you advice. But the reality is that each individual has to come to terms with it and deal with in the way that helps them the most.
This is expecially true when you lose a spouse. Seven years ago, I lost my husband to a liver disease. He was only 63. We had been married 34 years. I was so lost. I had no idea which way to turn. We had two children and five grandchildren. I felt like I had to be the strong one. The one to show them how to pick up and move on.
Things were not easy. I lost my job a couple months after he died. I wasn't old enough to draw his social security for another year. The struggle was real. I had friends who got me food from the church because I was to proud to ask for help. I figured that if I took help, I was depriving somebody that needed it more than I did. I had a friend who would show up with baskets of food or bags of goodies like detergent, toilet paper, etc. I thought it was Christmas. I never told my kids how tight times were because I didn't want to make them think I needed help.
I was Mom. The one that was always there for them. I wanted them to think I could make it on my own. But that year was by far the worst, hardest time I had ever had in my life. But I overcame all that. I not only changed jobs, I changed careers. It gave me something to put my focus on to take me out of my grief except in those dark moments after midnight.
Fast forward to now. I stayed strong, I did what I could and adjusted where I had to. I made new friends and got a new job making enough to pay my bills and enjoy life. I love the life I have made for myself. Was it the life I expected at 65 years old? No, I had dreams of us both retiring and traveling and spending all our days together. But that never happened.
I made new friends and tried new things and, eventually, things came together and I am happy again. People ask me how I got over my grief. I am here to tell you that you never do. You don't get over it, you don't get past it. You don't just put it on a shelf and walk away from it. What you do is learn how to deal with it. Seven years later and at times it still hurts so bad. Seven years later and I can be happy and laughing. Then "our" song will come on the radio or a memory will pop up out of the blue. The pain still comes. The difference is that now it is manageable. Yes, my eyes may get a little teary and my heart literally hurts in my chest. But I cherish the memories, smile and move on.
What other choice do we really have?
