It was interesting. It got me to thinking about friends I've had over the years and I started wondering who were my friends and who were just being friendly. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "The way to have a friend is to be a friend." Well, I'm going to disagree. You can be the best friend in the world, but if the other person doesn't return your committment to the relationship or doesn't show the same compassion, then it is all one-sided; it is not a true friendship.
As you look back over your life at the friends that have come and gone, do you see any one-sided relationships? Were there times when you were the best friend you knew how to be only to realize that your "friend" was simply paying lip service to the true meaning of being a friend? Do you ever want to knock on their forehead and say "Helllloooo, are you in this relationship?"
I am a people person. I care about others and what they go through. Sometimes we can be hurt because the ones we care for don't seem to see the relationship the same way we do. I've given this some thought lately and decided I needed to redefine friends. I've heard people acknowledge others with terms such as my friend, an acquaintance, someone I work with, someone I've known for years, etc.
I have people in my life that I care deeply for and though I call them a friend, we don't share confidences. We don't do things together. We don't have a lot of common bonds, but I really enjoy their company. They are that middle of the road group that are not as close as a friend is, but they are closer than an acquaintance. I figure there needs to be a term to describe those people in our lives. I'm going to start calling them my Friendlies. I love my friendlies but we just don't share a deep relationship like you do with your true friends or that relationship is often one-sided.
We are doing a Ladies Bible Study at church on the study of King David. In this past weeks lesson, there was a verse that just jumped right out at me. I Samuel 18:1 says ....that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
What a wonderful way to explain true friendship. "Knit with the soul". I just loved that phrase and it went along with my thoughts on friendship this past week. The online dictionary defines the word knit as an intertwining; to join closely; unite securely. A simple beautiful way to define true friendship.
May all your friendships be knit from the soul. Have a blessed week.
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3 comments:
I found this post interesting and I could relate, thank you for sharing - It has been a subject much on my mind too. I could say more, but maybe for now, I will leave it there. But thank you for sharing and may all your relationships be blessed. Nita
Broken friendships can hurt so much!
I had a friend that used to call me her "forever friend",...then one day she said something about one of my kids and I didn't appreciate it. She said.. "I think they should just pick a church and stay in it!" (They had home churched for years because they couldn't take their heart problem little girl in big gatherings of people because she had no immune system. After she died they were trying churches and having a hard time finding one close to their home with sound doctrine.
I spoke up and said my piece since she had said hers. I defended my daughter and told her I was not one bit concerned about my daughter's spiritual life. She had been through the loss of three children and remained faithful to the Lord and she has a wonderful testimony of faith.
It hurt me so much that she would bark out those words and set in judgment of my sweet daughter. They had gotten used to worshiping as a family those 6 years and now with young teens they weren't ready to embrace youth groups. She thought this was wrong. I said there was nothing wrong with sitting in church as a family. That they felt the dad was responsible for being the spiritual leader for his kids. And that was their choice.
Then after the heat of the moment...I apologized for my abrupt speech and then when she dropped me off at home I hugged her and apologized again. I felt like I had spoken the truth...but maybe not in love.
So I sent her a note saying I was sorry again. She never responded to the note, so I called her, but she didn't answer the phone even though her husband had just told me at church that she was at home sick....and then he told me she was hurting "emotionally". (As he gave me the evil eye as though it were all my fault.) So I left a message again telling her that I loved her and I was sorry. Finally I got a note saying..."I want you to stop apologizing!" She never did say I forgive you..or that it was ok, or that she was wrong in any way.
Ever since then she has pretty much ignored me at church and has never again asked me to do anything with her again. I have invited both her... and also her husband to our house many times...but she/they never come. We were good friends for well over 10 years, and did everything together....and after that one time...she just wrote me off completely. Even after I tried so hard to make things right.
Her husband who was friends with my husband has written him off too. Her husband is a deacon in our church and she is a deaconess...yet they dropped us like hot potatoes.
So it has been hard. Especially since we had a mutual friend who she has now dropped too. I talked to God about it so many times. I feel forgiven by God but not by this former friend. But I honestly tried to make up with her.
As far as spiritual gifts go she is a prophet and I am a mercy. I know I get my feelings hurt too easily. But she has no problem saying what she thinks. I guess I am also a mother hen! And I felt like she was slamming my daughter who had been through so much.
Well that's my sad story Mamaw B. I guess you didn't expect a response like this! But friendship can turn sour. I loved this friend...but I loved my daughter too and felt like I needed to say what I did.
Six years have now passed. My little 6yr. old granddaughter who died would now be 12. My daughters husband now preaches at their small family church that meets in a Salvation Army Camp. It has several large families that attend. Her other kids are 20, 17, 15, 9, 7 and 3. She has homeschooled them all and is an excellent mother. And my son-in-law is an amazing man.
This friend has two adult kids and several grandkids...most with issues. I am not happy about that. I'm just sayin'
Love, Linda
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