I have a situation and I don't know how to handle it.
Last week, my children's Godfather passed away. Their Godmother passed away about 7 years ago.
Due to us living so far apart, we haven't seen them regularly. However, sometimes my daughter and I will take all the grandchildren back to WV for a visit and we tried to stop by and see Junior and Nila if time allows.
We saw Nila a year before her death and saw Junior on our last trip in about 2 years ago.
Here is my dilemma. I didn't find out about his death until it was too late to attend the funeral. They didn't have any children and only one or two nieces that they were not close to.
When my twins were one year old, I had professional portraits done. There were two large 17" or 20" prints done. One of me and the twins and one of the twins by themself. It is the only professional portrait I ever had done of my children with me. The pictures have hung for 33 years over Junior and Nila's bed. Every time I would visit, they would show me that they still had the pictures and tell me when anything ever happened to them, I needed to get the pictures.
I'm sure that is not an item anybody would ever remember to leave in a will, but I would really like to have those portraits. I don't know who the executor would be or how to even get ahold of anybody to find out. But I am fearful that whoever they left things to will just destroy the pictures because they won't even know me or my children.
I want to contact the local courthouse in WV and find out who the executor is and see if I would be able to buy the portraits from the estate. But I don't want to seem cold or unfeeling to thier loss. My heart grieves deeply at Junior's passing. I read the obituary yesterday and spent a lot of time just staring at his picture remembering all the times I spent in church growing up with him and Nila and all the times they would come and visit their godchildren. I remembered how she loved to buy frilly dresses and patent leather shoes for my daughter and little baseball shirts and ball caps for my son.
So, believe me I am very sensitive to the loss and I know that they ones they left behind will grieve them greatly as well. I just don't want to appear cold and call and say "What's going to happen to my children's portraits?" But by the same token, I can't stand the thought of somebody just tossing them out or selling them in a yard sale for $1 for the frames.
Does anybody have any ideas, thoughts, or comments on how I can handle this diplomatically without looking like I'm coldhearted or imposing on their family grieving time.
8 comments:
That is a tuff dilemma. I would maybe call the executor and see what he has to say. If there isnt any family to take the stuff then there would be no hard feelings and you wouldnt look "coldhearted" (Which, by the way, you are so sweet I doubt you would ever look coldhearted). If there is family taking all of their belongings then maybe he could give you the contact information. You could call and talk to them for a little while before asking them about your photos. I dont think it seems to coldhearted at all. Just explain that you were never contacted about his passing and wanted to call and send your respects. I hope this helps :)
A difficult one, but pray God will give you the right words to put in writing, explaining as you have here, what the pictures means to you and your children. It is not as if you are asking for money or great valuables, just something that means a lot to you, I am sure they will understand, or I hope they will.
No, your not being unfeeling at all. I wish when my sister passed more people had come forward asking for things of her's that meant something to them. I did have a few of her friends ask if they could have something. Some had a special request, some just wanted a little remembrance. I was so happy to know that these items would warm someone's heart to just have a little treasure.
If you do not know who the executor is, you can also call the funeral home and see who made the arrangements. I am sure it will a great load off them, to actually know what to do with something and that it will be treasured.
Nonie
Perhaps the living relatives were told what to do with these pictures. If you know their names, call one of them personally.
Thank you everyone for the helpful comments. They didn't have any children and they had been preceded in death by siblings. The only survivors listed was a gentleman and his wife that were listed as "who were like a son and daughter to them". I did not know these people though I had heard them mentioned many times. I tried to find them on the white pages, but there are about 20 with that name in area. I called and left messages with a few I thought could be the right ones and no one has called back yet. I'll keep plugging.
You are perfectly within your right to ask for the pictures, whether buying them or otherwise. You are not being unfeeling. It's not like they have grieving family who was close to them. You might be able to contact the local courthouse and find out who the executor is. Wishing you all the best with this.
Sometimes it helps to know where things need to be sent. If they know you want them, it might just be what they're looking for.
I have the best blog buddies ever. Thanks for all the tips. I found a friend at the courthouse who is seeing out what she can find out. And a cousin of mine is friends with a guy who has the same name as the one who was listed as "Survived by". We don't know if it is the same guy or not, but maybe he will know who has the same name that it could be. At least I feel good taking action.
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