Things Mom never told me about aging....



Mom, in her great wisdom, passed lots of advice on to us when we were little. You know what I'm talking about. The information we couldn't live without that we needed to pass on to our children. Stuff like "Quit or your face will freeze like that." and "Always wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident." and the famous "Just wait until you're a mother and you'll understand."

But there are things Mom never told us that I would like to have been prepared for. Here are some things I don't like about aging that I wish I had been warned about.

Nobody told me that you no longer leap out of bed in the morning. By middle age, you have to turn on to your back. Stretch real good. Then roll off the edge and try to leverage yourself to an upright position.

Nobody told me that when you do that morning stretch, you need to know your limits or you will get a Charlie horse and revert to leaping out of the bed...only this time there will be extreme pain with the process.

Nobody told me that each morning not only brings a new day, it brings a new wrinkle as well.

Nobody told me that the most exercise you get will be getting up and down to adjust the thermostat to match your hot flashes.

Nobody told me that you can no longer dance to Footloose and actually be able to walk the next morning without your ankles feeling like they are breaking in two. (Yep, learned that one the hard way last night.)

Nobody told me that a backache is a way of life, not a temporary pain.

Nobody told me that those few extra pounds would make it so hard to bend down and polish your toe nails.

Nobody told me that you don't really need a GPS to get anywhere because your varicose veins look like the national interstate system.

Nobody told me that forgetfulness....well, I don't remember what nobody didn't tell me about forgetfulness.

Nobody told me that by the time you spend the time it takes to plan something you are too tired to actually do whatever it was you were planning in the first place.

Nobody told me that working in your flower beds for one hour will make your body feel it for one week.

And last, but not least, nobody told me that waking up early to get a jump start on your day simply means you have more time to sit on the couch thinking about what you could be doing to GET the jump start on your day.